I Hate My Ex-husband – How Do I Stop This Feeling?

I Hate My Ex-husband - How Do I Stop This Feeling?

After your divorce, you still have resentment toward your ex. It lingers on and burns inside you – it won’t go away.

It’s high time to quit fixating on the past and put your hatred behind you by, Putting Your Emotions in Writing, Considering Both His and Your Futures, Keep Telling Yourself “I’m Not Going to Have Hate in Me” That’s Not Who I Am.

Here Are Some Ways You Can Use to Overcome Your Hatred Toward Your Ex-Husband.

 1.     Put Your Emotions in Writing.

List all the things he did to you when he made you feel this way, as well as how much you despise him and why.

After reading it a few times, throw it away or burn it. Nobody ought to see it.

Destroying it is a symbol that you are too strong for it to hurt you forever, that you are choosing to be free of it, and that you are a survivor.

Validate what he did to you and how he made you feel, by writing it down so that you have “proof.”

2.     Consider Both His and Your Futures. 

He recently underwent his second divorce and is currently cohabitating with a woman who accepts that their relationship began with deceit and lies. Do you believe she is content with him? Never!

You sound amazing with your new boyfriend! Enjoy your new love and be grateful for your current situation in life as opposed to where you were.

3.     Keep Telling Yourself “I’m Not Going to Have Hate in Me” – That’s Not Who I Am.”

Saying it repeatedly will help it take root in your mind, but it is incredibly difficult to achieve. Be kind to your Ex, empathize with him. Sense contempt. Feel that he is bullying and weak, sense that he is not being honest.

Consider him to be a cheater. All three of those are bad, but there is no justification for hating him. Instead, be happy that you were able to avoid him.

Hatred is not constructive. Instead start focusing on your new and great life that lies ahead; and while improving yourself do not feel hate. Rather be happy to be free of the toxicity.

Why Do I Despise My Ex? Where Does That Get Me?

It appeared so ideal and romantic in the beginning. Later, after a few weeks, months, or years, it came to an end. The formerly ideal companion seemed to have changed into a monster.

Many relationships don’t end well, while others flourish. Some people progress fast, while others find it challenging. They find themselves repeatedly dwelling in the past and thinking about what transpired and what their ex said and did.

Screaming, hate, rage.

Various emotions, such as sadness, disappointment, astonishment, perplexity, wrath, insecurity, and the fear of being alone, will frequently manifest themselves at this time.

Most people eventually get over their trauma and start to consider that they can still have a nice life. Even years later, some people still claim to loathe their ex because they find it difficult to let go.

It’s normal for people to be saddened by the passing of something that once was the focus of their entire life. Something they dreamed of aspiring to and was finally within their reach.

Then, over time, you suffer the bitterness of empty promises, betrayal, and many forms of abuse and the sadness and emptiness consumes you. It feels as though you’ll never get over this desolation, but, if you let it, it will pass just like any other bereavement.

The fact that many people tend to define a relationship by how it ends seems to be what makes it so harmful. They may have spent a lot of years primarily happy and a lot less time sad, but they remember the terrible times better.

We reject what we can no longer have, perhaps as a form of self-defense.

Mourning the loss is healthy. If it is upsetting, talk to friends, relatives, your Church or go for counselling for a while. Ask them to simply listen, without offering any opinions.

There are those toxic groups of friends who “hate their exes so badly” they still get together and to discuss the terrible things their ex-partners did to them.

This might be a helpful approach to express your thoughts and move on, but that type of continuously wallowing in despair and hatred is counterproductive for you so watch out for becoming the type of buddy that only talks about their ex. Don’t let those you despise define you.

Sitting in a circle and giving each other only five minutes to discuss the reasons they detest their ex is a good exercise for therapy. This allows everyone to express their thoughts and receive support before moving on to other topics.

Writing down our emotions is another effective method of letting them out. If you can, include both joyful and sad memories in your writing along with how you are feeling.

Accept yourself as you are, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You are in mourning. Avoid focusing too much of your day on your grieving process.

Exercise and making plans for something exciting to look forward to, preferably something that won’t make you think of your ex, will be helpful.

Here Are Eight Suggestions to Guide You in Letting Go of Your Ex:

1.     Be thankful. Focus on the positive aspects of your life right now. Remember that you currently have a wonderful life and focus on that whenever your thoughts start to stray. Stop haunting yourself with memories of what happened or thoughts of what didn’t happen.

2.     Take a break from technology. Being linked has both advantages and disadvantages. Additionally, there are a few key negatives to technology when you still despise your Ex.

First off, having access to your Ex on a constant basis increases the possibility of another argument. The second is the capability of monitoring what your ex is doing.

Take whatever steps are necessary to stop being continually connected to your ex and the urge to cyberstalk, because none of these is necessary or helpful for you.

3.     Consider reducing the coffee. The fight, flight, or freeze response is stimulated by caffeine causing the release of adrenaline. Reduce your coffee intake so that you are better able to maintain your composure when you know you will be interacting with your Ex.

4.     Stop talking badly to yourself. It’s quite simple to want to transfer the spotlight (and blame) from you to your Ex when you fill yourself with negativity. This simply serves to intensify your strong disdain for him.

Therefore, if you can learn to stop berating yourself, it will make you less susceptible to anger when hearing about your ex’s antics.

5.     Get enough sleep. You’ve probably observed that you tend to be grumpier the day following a bad night and lack of sleep.

Young pretty african woman sleeping in bed

Depriving yourself of the rest and recovery that sleep brings will only make you that much more likely to continue your hatred since you’ll be too fatigued to try something else – certainly if you already have plenty of grounds for still disliking your Ex.

6.     Adjust your viewpoint. Because of your divorce, you’ve already had to alter a lot of your perspectives.

 Another viewpoint, that you’d be better off changing than continuing to focus on, is your decision to change how you feel about your ex.

Alter your perspective by not placing your attention on the negative aspects; it doesn’t imply that you will forget.

7.     Establish limits. There’s no reason you can’t establish reasonable restrictions on how and when you will interact with your ex. Your engagement with your ex will be far higher if you have children than if you don’t.

8.    Keep an eye on your feelings. Hatred is a powerful emotion. It’s quite simple for the animosity to take on a life of its own when you’re stuck loathing your Ex. That’s when you realize you have a habit—a subconscious, automatic loathing for your Ex.

You can choose to modify your thinking as you intentionally stop hating your Ex by being conscious of your emotions, which will allow you to catch yourself when you’re in the habit of being hostile.

Putting You Back on The Right Track

The above eight suggestions won’t make you instantly quit hating your ex. But they’ll put you on the right track to finally getting over the hurt and resentment.

If, after trying these strategies on your own for some time, you still find yourself harboring negative feelings toward your Ex, it’s time to seek professional assistance. Several experts in divorce can assist you in getting over your hatred.

Possibly the most valuable resource you have is your time. You’ve already devoted a significant amount of time to your Ex and your former marriage.

You don’t have to keep hating your Ex for the rest of your life. You should, however, be able to fully enjoy the lovely new life you have built for yourself without ever having to worry about your ex again.

Final Thoughts on I Hate My Ex-husband – How Do I Stop This Feeling?

Part of the healing process after a divorce is to initially hate your ex. But when the hatred persists despite your best efforts to move on, it’s time to reconsider the energy you’re still devoting to the hostility.

Your continued disgust for your ex reflects your hurt feelings regarding the dissolution of your marriage and/or your Ex’s actions leading up to, during, and after the Divorce.

These are all legitimate reasons to genuinely detest, distrust, and/or wish your Ex never existed.

But the more time, effort, and emotional resources you devote towards hating your Ex, the less you have for yourself and your almost ideal new life. Ask yourself, does your Ex really deserve all the negative headspace you’re still giving him? Move and be happy!

Read More: 

My Ex Just Got Engaged to Their New Partner — Why Do I Care?

7 Ways to Reconcile After a Divorce

Patricia Godwin

Patricia has many years of experience as a content writer on various subjects, and she is the Editor of Lifestyle Divorce. Patricia’s worked as the Practice Manager at an International Divorce and Family law firm for over 15 years. She is a qualified Counsellor, and she has had many counselling sessions with people considering or going through a divorce.

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