My Wife Won’t Stop Seeing Her Lover. What Must I Do?

My Wife Won't Stop Seeing Her Lover. What Must I Do?

Some of your relatives and friends will advise you to end things immediately, get a divorce, and move on. Others will tell you to try and re-connect, forgive and forget, hang on for the sake of the children. It’s simple for them to say. However, why not: 

Reclaim your authority and disempower her; set her defined boundaries, Make her feel uncomfortable maintaining this lifestyle, Retract and be less accessible and available to her, and Focus on your healing as well as the healing of your children. 

What to Do When Your Wife Won’t Stop Seeing Her Lover?

To protect yourself and your children, you might need to take certain actions even though you don’t want to.

1.     Reclaim Your Authority and Disempower Them with Their Dysfunction

Your wife is acting in a dysfunctional way that probably conflicts with everything she formerly stood for or believed.

However, you still have an option as to whether you’ll enable her to continue acting in a dysfunctional way, with or without your consent.

This might imply that you decide in advance how long you would wait for her to emerge from her daydream and finish the romance.

After you discover that your wife is having an affair, you can decide not to go back any more – choose to go forward and have a separation or even take steps to divorce if that becomes necessary.

Avoid being aggressive or unpleasant. Such negative behavior will ensure their departure. What it means to “take back your power” is to make your own decisions about what you will and won’t put up with.

It’s about understanding that you won’t remain subject to her affair and deceitful frame of mind. You may give her an ultimatum about what and for how long you’re willing to put up with it – even if the results are not what you’d hoped for right now.

2.     Set Her Defined Boundaries

Explain calmly and unambiguously to your errant wife, what you will or won’t let happen. Establish a limit and make it clear what you won’t tolerate anymore.

Tell her that this affair cannot come and go from your life, the lives of your children, or remain for an extended period in an indecisive and ambivalent mood.

Having firm boundaries lets kids know that you aren’t after them or watching everything they do.

It’s now more about me than it is about you; it’s about my rehabilitation and healing, not about you controlling that. Even if you have the option, you won’t continue the affair here!

If you’re having trouble setting clear boundaries, a skilled counselor or infidelity coach can assist you.

3.     Make Her Feel Uncomfortable Maintaining This Lifestyle

Let her experience what her life would be like if she decides to continue with the affair. The fact is that, for who knows how long, your errant spouse may similarly be mired in a loop of uncertainty due to cognitive dissonance.

What will persuade her to terminate her affair if the other half of her (or his) life carries on as it always has, providing them with all the advantages of the marriage?

It’s crucial to stop making it so easy for her to have her cake and eat it too.

She may choose to stay in the marriage, even though it increases her sense of self-worth so that she can enjoy the experience of feeling so desired and given attention by two men.

This may entail letting her go (preferably only temporarily, as one of the repercussions of crossing a line), in the hopes that she will move out of the house and maybe move in with him.

4.     Retract and Be Less Accessible and Available to Them

It’s not about tricking people into desiring you or playing games with them. It involves becoming proficient in how to respond when someone is wallowing in deceit and self-importance.

They may still have the best of both worlds if they are confident that you will be available anytime they chose to phone, text, or ask you for anything.

Pulling back from pursuing her (if she won’t terminate the affair) shows her that you value yourself enough to no longer put up with her bad behavior because people typically seek what they cannot have.

What often occurs is that gradually, after a while of you holding out, you’ll notice that she suddenly wants to talk to you again. She’ll try to restore your connection with her and seek you as before.

It is said there is nothing more attractive than something you cannot have.

5.     Focus on Your Healing as Well as the Healing of Your Children

Focusing on your recovery shifts attention away from your partner and toward you.

If she won’t stop their affair, you must put yourself first, which may be both useful and challenging. Because you will always have yourself, regardless of what happens with your marriage.

For the sake of your spirit, soul, and body, work on your recovery. It entails strengthening your spiritual life and strengthening your spiritual connection and relationship with whomever you believe in – whether it’s a supernatural being, an idol, yourself, or God.

Your intellect, inner force and emotions make up your soul, so focus on becoming full and healthy in those areas by taking care of yourself, seeking out private therapy, and discovering ways to enhance the parts of your life that require improvement.

Exercise, even a stroll in the fresh air, and healthier eating habits are key to healing your body because they prevent your system from having to work more than necessary to metabolize alcohol and junk food while you’re under stress.

Don’t believe the theory that males shouldn’t seek counseling; in fact, one’s ability to get clarity is greatly aided by individual counseling. It’s a necessary step in your healing.

Final Thoughts on My Wife Won’t Stop Seeing Her Lover. What Must I Do?

No matter how many issues there are in your marriage, having an affair is never acceptable. We are all aware of how damaging adultery is to a marriage.

If you want the marriage to be rescued, remember that before things improve, they might first get worse. This could have a negative impact on your family if you are too impatient to let things take their course.

Alternatively, you might select to end the marriage immediately and trust yourself to deal with the aftermath of your children’s pain and possible feelings of guilt.

There are no assurances as to how things will turn out. However, you are doubtless aware that things cannot remain as they are.

You alone are the only one who can truly determine what to do.

Read More: 

Leaving My Marriage for Affair Partner – Will I Regret This?

Once A Cheater Always a Cheater? True or Not?

Patricia Godwin

Patricia has many years of experience as a content writer on various subjects, and she is the Editor of Lifestyle Divorce. Patricia’s worked as the Practice Manager at an International Divorce and Family law firm for over 15 years. She is a qualified Counsellor, and she has had many counselling sessions with people considering or going through a divorce.

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